One from the messageboards. Origin unknown. Note: you'll probably only find this funny if you're a StarCraft player.
Today we will take a look at... CHEATERS. this is a TYPICAL Cheater.
the man we see at the keyboard lagging a 2 player SC game is skeeter. Skeeter is a CHEATER, ladies and gentlemen (preacher voice)
Chorus: /7 he's a hacker, hes a cheater, hes a lamer, his name is SKEETER /7
Skeeter is sitting at his computer hacking the night away.
the game is over and his opponent is whining that he is cheating.
Skeeter's mom: SKEETER!!!! THE POSSUMS ARE ON THE ROOF AGAIN!!! THEY ARE CHEWING ON THE ANTENNA!!!
Skeeter: OK MA! ILL GET THE BROOM!
Skeeter goes AFK and his sis comes in and sees the trainer.
Skeeter's sister: ooooh cheats are not nice
as you can see, his sister has HALF A BRAIN.
she deletes the trainer and empties the recycle bin.there is now no sign of it.
Skeeter gets back on and notices that the fog is on he looks for his cheat so pauses the game
Chorus: /7 hes a hacker, hes a cheater, hes a lamer, his name is skeet---/7
all right thats enough.
Skeeter: hold on guys im uhhh... uhhhh... checking my mail... yea! checking my mail...he sees he has no trainer.
he looks around for it for 5 minutes and then his sis tells him she deleted the program.
he fixes to leave when he sees it has been more than 5 minutes.
Skeeter:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*takes a deep breath*
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOO
*begins to gasp for air* OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*Face is red* OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*Blue* OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*Purple* OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*he passes out*
his sister wakes him after the ringing in her ears from Skeeter's screaming goes away.
Skeeter attacks his sister and she grabs him and throws him into the wall, leaving a large imprint. Skeeter gives up knowing she can easily kick his ass, though she is 5 years younger than him and he is 15.
Skeeter tries to play but then he realizes that everytime that he moves near the black stuff it goes away and then when he moves away from it it turns grey. he panics and disconnects.
Skeeter: I CANT PLAY LIKE THIS!!!! I MUST HAVE MY CHEATS!!!
he goes to his webpage to download the trainer
Skeeter: AAAH THE URL FOWARDED ME TO MY CYBERTHRILL ACCOUNT!!! I CANT BELIEVE I FORGOT THAT!!!!!!!!!!!
skeeter searches the web for 2 hours and only finds one page that has it. it is down until tommorow.
Skeeter: GOD NOOOOOO!!!!
Chorus: /7 he's a hacker, he's a cheater, he's a lamer, his name is skeeter /7
Skeeter: SHUT... THE FUCK... UP!!!!
skeeter attacks the chorus singers and knocks one down. the other 3 beat hm senseless giving him several blows to the chest. Skeeter's nose is bleeding.
Skeeter goes into the bathroom and looks in the mirror. his skin is pale
Skeeter: Maybe i need some sleep...
he gets ready to disconnect and sees his Call Duration on the internet is 425 hours. Skeeter gets ready to go to bed. he dreams about one marine taking out an entire base full of ultralisks.skeeter wakes up
Skeeter: that would make a cool hack....
**************************
Skeeter awakens the next morning. he goes to the page. THE URL IS
UP! he clicks on it and it takes him to a cyberthrill account.
Skeeter: AAAAAUGGGHHH!!!!!
Skeeter's sister walks by and listens to skeeter's ranting and raving.
Skeeter: so what? i will make a bigger, and better hack then all the others! and i... will RULE THE WORLD!!!! MWUHUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA------ *cough cough*
Skeeter's sis: MA!!!!!!!! SKEETER'S ACTIN LIKE A LOONEY AGAIN!!!!!
Skeeter's mom: OK ILL CALL THE INSTITUTION!!! THEY MOVED OUT YOUR COUSIN PETER BECAUSE THEY NEEDED THE EXTRA BED SPACE!
Skeeter: hey Peter was the only one who ever understood me! if only he would put down that knife once and a while...
Announcer: oh no! Skeeter is being hauled off to a mental isntituion! what will become of our hero! tune in next time, viewers! same bat time, same bat channel!
a lawyer comes in and hands the announcer a piece of paper
announcer reads it
Announcer: im being sued by the company that made the old batman episodes? i knew i shouldn't have used that "same bat-time same bat-channel" thing...
Episode 2: Inside the Institution (Asylum)
New Announcer: ummm hi. im new at announcing so please pretend im good at this so i wont get fired. thank you. *reading script* and now we met-- oh wait... is that meet? oh ok.. and now we meet our hero at the mental intitute! oh wait is that institution? oh ok.
At the Instititution:
Skeeter is escorted by a few guards into his cell with a large group of disconnectors and cheaters who went insane. at the head of the cell are The Disconnecting Duo.
Skeeter: arent you Daryl the Disconnector? and Hector the disconnector?
Daryl: yes.Hector: we are now the Disconnecting Duo
Skeeter: i thought you guys were annoyed of each other
Hector: the doctor says ill be all right
Daryl: he says im getting much better *begins chanting* waiting for players, waiting for players, waiting for players...Daryl trails off.
Skeeter: hey does anyone here know where i can get access to a computer? i want to continue to fullfill my plan to make a bigger and better hack, so that i MAY RULE THE WORLD!!!! AHAHAHAHAHaHAHAHAHA *cough cough cough* damnit i cant *cough cough* do an evil laughter without *cough cough* coughing....
Hector: you, like me and Daryl and everyone else here, are going to be in here for a while....
Skeeter: how many of you are in here with SC related problems?
They all raise their hand. all 24 of them
Daryl: all the cells are full of them. Blizz nailed us after we all went insane. just now the 1.02 patch was released so your map hack wouldnt work anyway.
Skeeter: how did you---
Daryl: Harry the Hacker programmed an inmate to a computer with internet access. he takes his skills too far... thats why he is in here.
Harry the Hacker: if you dont shut up im gonna hax u!!!!
Daryl: he doesnt understand this is not a forum but real life. there was an outside world he knew nothing about and now he is in here for life... he will never know of it... i have never seen it myself.
Harry: whats an outside world?
Daryl: NEVERMIND....
Hector: see, skeeter, this place is full of SC "lamers" so they call us... like Larry The Ladder Abuser here.
Larry begins chanting "i just wanted the T-Shirt, i just wanted the T-Shirt, just wanted T-Shirt, wanted shirt...."
the guards throw in another convict named Charlie the Cheater.
Skeeter: hello. what are you in for?
Charlie: 1.02 came out and i flipped cause i couldnt use map hack. i just couldnt take it!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Daryl: WE DONT HAVE TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!! THESE GUARDS CANT CONTAIN US!!!! WE WILL RIOT! WE WILL RIOT! WE WILL RIOT! WE WILL RIOT!
all the inmates start trying to ram down the door. several fists and feet are broken and there is not a scratch in the door that Daryl just remembered was solid titanium. most of the inmates are on the ground crying and moaning in pain. a guard opens the door and one courageous soul, Dan the Clan Member, runs out of the door in his little escape attempt.
Dan: THE DAN CLAN RULEZ YOU ALL!!! THERE IS NO ESCAPE!!!!
he runs out the door and is blinded by sunlight.
Dan: AAAH!!! THE SUN!!! THERE REALLY IS AN OUTSIDE WORLD!!!!!!!!
Dan runs inside and back into the cell and gets into the corner and sits and rocks back and forth chanting "the dan clan rulez u all" over and over.
Skeeter: WE MUST SUCCEED! WE MUST SUCCEED! WE MUST SUCCEED!!!!!!
All the inmates: WE MUST SUCCEED! WE MUST SUCCEED! WE MUST---
Warden: SHUT UP YOU GUYS!!!!
all inmates: sorry! we will be quiet!
guards: warden can we get tranfered away from these psychos???
The End
Story by -=The-Jackal=-
Moral: dont be a lame cheater/disconnecter/clan member