OK, it's time for one for the gamers. The Electronic Entertainment Expo, otherwise known as E3, is fast approaching. Hardware and software publishers and developers use E3 to show off all the new and exciting products they've got planned for the next year. This year's event should be particularly interesting thanks to the unveiling of the Playstation 3 and the Xbox 1190 (or whatever they're calling it). I think Nintendo has something in store for us as well, but reports are sketchy at this point.
So what are some of the surprises?
10. 3d Realms announces Duke Nukem development team is working on time travel. Expects Duke Nukem Forever to be released in 2001.9. Halo3: this time we thought up an ending
8. In order to prove Microsoft's intensity, live rounds are to be fired over the audiences' heads in a Battle of the Bulge recreation.
7. Peter Molyneaux (creator of "Black and White" and "Fable") provides updates for game announced seven years ago where you can actually create a clone of yourself using your computer. After some scaling back, current version allows player to arrange falling blocks into columns and rows.
6. Steve Ballmer goes wacko and bites the head off of a chicken during presentation.
5. Lucas Arts announces the refurbish and rerelease of the first four Dark Forces game, complete with new special effects and Lucas Commentary
4. Power surge knocks out monitors in id software's booth. Gaming press praises stunning new "Doom 4" demonstration.
3. Nintendo will offer new On-a-line multiplayer. The Nintendo Revolution will come with a 200' proprietary cable to hook your system to a friend's system down the street for genuine on-a-line gameplay.
2. New Nintendo must be fed, hugged, and played with daily or it will die.
And the #1 Surprise at E3 2005 is...
1. New WOW-expansion comes bundled with a small orphan child to clean your house while you play
And the runners-up:
- President Bush hosts a surprise conference to "rap with the young folks about Social Security."
- New "DSLegs" attachment allows Nintendo DS to run away when threatened.
- Microsoft announces Xbox 2 games will include handy "101 Jew Jokes" booklet for use by 13-year-olds on Xbox Live.
- Microsoft introduces new system as "Xbox 4," claiming the one with the non-huge controllers was Xbox 2 and the one with the non-exploding power cords was Xbox 3.
- Microsoft announces special "Frat Boy Edition" Xbox 2 to include convenient beer coasters and toga hooks.
- Attendance at the event a record low. Analysts blame PartyPoker.com, where visitors can play poker online fast, free, and it's as easy as checking your email.
- Nokia announces plans for a home console, and subsequent plans to file for chapter 11.
- The Gameboy TS will be unveiled to mediocre response; still not enough screens.
- Gabe Newell announces his partnership with Trimspa by showing off his now 150lb body.
- Xbox360's new "G-GRIP" enables it to rest on any surface using only it's shear gravitational force. *side note: may cause structural damage
- Nintendo will unveil the first ever single player game to require 3 game systems in order to play, the Nintendo Revolution, the Nintendo DS, and Gameboy SP.
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