I've remained blissfully unaware of anything going on in the Michael Jackson trial, but every once in a while I'll hear a snippet of information that's bizarre enough to make me wonder just what is wrong with this planet. A security guard testified that he saw Jackson spending some, uh, special time with a young man? Dude, that didn't strike you as odd at the time?
Anyway - here are a few of the more surprising events in the trial:
10. Day 11 - A doctor declares on the stand that he has been reducing the size of MJ's nose for years because it wont stop growing.9. Day 4 - Michael Jackson melts under the hot, hot lights of the courtroom.
8. Day 8 - Jackson pulls a gun and attempts to kill himself, but mistakenly brought a toy gun that his accuser had left at Jackson's home.
7. Day 24 - McCully Culkin, riding the fame this trial has brought him, announces plans for Home Alone 5: Armed In Miami.
6. Day 21 - Jesus Juice revealed to be nothing more than watered-down Vishnu Cola.
5. Day 35 - Prosecutors question Jackson about his sexual advances; Jackson testifies with a puppet show demonstration.
4. Day 15 - Judge rips off his mask to reveal Ashton Kutcher; whole trial is an elaborate "Punk'd" setup.
3. Day 2 - OJ Simpson is hired by the defense team to find the real molester, but he find's his wife's killer by listening to "Man in the Mirror" by mistake.
2. Day 19 - Bubbles the chimp takes the stand and breaks down in tears when recalling MJ touching his "mini bubbles"
And the #1 Surprise at the Michael Jackson trial is...
1. Day 29 - Blueprints for new Neverland rides are discovered with titles such as: the Devirginizor, the Crotch Grabber, and Michael's favorite, the Tiny Log Ride.
And the runners-up:
- Bubbles testifies by means of brain ray translation that he's still very upset about that time he caught Michael with his daily supply of bananas.
- Maculy Culkin discusses nothing happened and wonders why there is a trial, after all he turned out great!
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